can you hear the crickets?

A cool breeze on a warm humid night

With this day.
With this feeling.
With my eyes closed.

I forget hate.
I forget anger.
I forget my imperfections.

Something washes over me,
Lighter than happiness, stronger than apathy.
I've never heard a name for it in all my life,
But I think it must be peace.

Tell me again...

I am not so light.
I am not care-free,
But the pressures I possess
Aren't sufficating me...yet
Aren't holding me down,
So give me your grievances too
Until I am found shoulder deep in the ground
Clawing to get out,
Drowning in your complaints.
Choking on my own hate.

You make me sick.

I never knew I could hate you so much,
I never knew my anger was so strong,
I can't control it burning like coals that
Won't be put out until my stomach chokes.

Since when have I been capable of this,
Im punching walls and chanting a death wish,
I know I'm not really me anymore.
I hate you for making me hate myself.

Volume

Keep the music turned up.
I'll keep dancing, with my eyes shut tight.
Because this world where only we exist
Makes me believe in life.

Keep the music turned up.
Even if it isn't real I'm afraid of when it stops.
I can't stop to smell the roses without
Smelling the pot.

Keep the music turned up,
Until somone trips and the CD skips.
To this beat I can race through life
or crash without it.

This is me, Your Refugee

This is me,
Do you remember the sound of my voice?
Do you remember how we used to be?
When things were so easy.
Before I had to leave.

This is me,
That you see in the distance now,
Stop trying to make out my outline.
You know me, we were so close.
And we were beautiful.

This is me,
The one you lost so long ago,
But I sneaked away so slowly.
Did you even notice I was gone
Before you saw me now?

This is me,
From when nothing was so important,
But our hearts went into everything,
I was that part of you,
But we were the same.

This is me,
Taunting you like a memory
That you can't seem to grasp,
Like a dream that flashes back
But then is gone.

This is me,
The answer to your everything
That never used to matter to you.
But don't let yourself get too bright.
I'm not in your reach.

This is me,
But I'm not you anymore.
I had to leave the pain and anger
That you have caused,
Before it ruined me, too.

This is me,
And this is my apology
I'm sorry that I let you get so awful.
I tried everything I could,
I ran and was thrown away.

This is me,
And if you feel a little hollow now,
It's just the space in my reserve.
My empty room inside your heart,
Waiting for me.

This is me,
But I'm not coming back for now.
I'll wait out this storm away,
So it can only destroy half a person.
You have to bear it alone.

This is me,
And I may not be quite a whole person,
But you aren't one either.
You are waiting for me now
as I wait for you.

This is me,
And this is my reminder.
Please hurry up now,
So we can be again,
What we once were.

This is me,
And in time you'll become stronger,
And wise enough to calm your soul.
Then I will come back to you again,
As your clock ticks down.

This is me,
And this is my promise to wait for you.
I will always remember you.
And this is your curse.
You will always remember me.

One for my lovely father.

Every word I say,

Turns into a fight,

Like the lightest snow,

Causes deadly ice,

So cars can slide,

And lose their way,

Why has speaking become,

This big mistake,

I see you and glare,

You make me somone else,

And you see me and swear,

You'll break me somhow,

And one simple gesture,

Whether kind or not,

Makes me hate you more,

Exactly what I want.

Alone

Alone,
Like I was wishing,
is back to normal now,
The need to not,
walk or talk
was bordering on about,
to break and build a wall,
to stop the pounding.
Tell them all
Stay Back
But here they don't care,
I'm perfectly invisible.
No one needs to stare,
Attention is shielded from me
As my perfect world always would be.